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COMPLAINTS, MUSINGS, AND OF COURSE WISDOM FROM DOUCHEBALL HIMSELF! NO'MSAYIN'? ~George Carlin
Archives
April 2001 May 2001 June 2001 July 2001 August 2001 September 2001 October 2001 November 2001 December 2001 January 2002 February 2002 March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 December 2003 January 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 January 2005 February 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 December 2005 
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Thursday, November 28, 2002
What a wierd Thanksgiving...
We usually have about 13 people over. This year just 8. Although it makes for an easier mess to clean up, I think I prefer the bigger crowd here. It keeps me from having to entertain and it usually means that Lorene is here. I basically spent the gathering helping my mother, which enabled me to avoid crazy grandma (god, I should take a picture of it and post it here, so's y'all could see a real life goblin-woman). There was a serving table that I used as a way to avoid it, as well. As it would come around one side, I'd circle the other direction. I was masterful. Unfortunately, it couldn't resist touching me before it left. All it could do was pat me on the back though, as I wouldn't turn around from the sink to face it. I made out like I was far too engrossed in the dishes to turn around and I just yelled out "goodbye"; which was funny, since I had already made a point of kissing my great-grandma goodbye. We drew names for X-mas this year. I originally got my great-grandma, which made me groan, as what she wants is slacks. Call me immature, but there's just something wrong about a young man shopping for just the right polyester slacks for his great-grandma. Thankfully, my Mom switched names with me, and I'm now shopping for my Grandpa's...um, is boyfriend the right word? Lover? Knob-gobbler? Life partner? Whatever. Anyhow, he just wants cologne, which should be really easy. So, I'm at the Marie Callender's wednesday night, picking up pies for the feast. They have a little tent in the back that leads right in to their kitchen, where you can buy your pre-ordered pies. I pay for my pie and am waiting for them to call my name, so's I can fetch mine and leave. Well, my name was called shortly after Mike Hunt's name was called by a little naive teenage employee. And she didn't just yell out Mike Hunt's name once. She yelled it about 3 times before a smirking guy who looked a little like Chet came strolling up, grabbed his pies, and made a mad dash for the exit. Then when she realized what had happened the girl looks at the old ladies working the registers and squeals "Ohmigod! I just said Mike Hunt", turned beet red, and ran out of sight. This made the mundane task of picking up the pies kind of fun, for a change. Woo-hoo! Pats win! Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! Jeff, you and your family are definitely in my thoughts tonight. Hope you were able to find some cheer today. BTW, how long has it been since you ate actual turkey for Thanksgiving? Alright, here's some things I'm thankful for: -wonderful parents -Lorene -my close friends -having known Scott Vice -oyster dressing, cream cheese pie, dark meat on the turkey, and gravy -stuffed crust pizza -tums -breathe right strips -sleeping pills -being employed and fairly compensated -that my future mother-in-law is nothing like my mother's mother-in-law -my CD collection -being engaged to such a hottie Oh, BTW, I've decided on a new football viewing tradition. Whenever Tim Brown makes a reception, I'm going to yell "TIM-MAY!", a la the handicapped boy of the same name from Southpark. If you think that's lame, at least I'm not saying stupid sports-guy shit like "BOO-YAH!", or "Can the brutha get a little love?", or (my favorite) "FUH-SHIZZLE!". What's that annoying motherfucker's name from ESPN again, Jeff? Stuart something? One last thing. Janet, so that I know that we have been aligned in the cosmos to like and dislike the exact same foods, I need to know what your stance is on the following food items: Pumpkin pie-yea or nay? Cheddar cheese melted over apple pie-yea or nay? And finally Janet, as for this Sunday, "GO BUCS!" Special Thanksgiving music: "In League With Satan" by Venom
Monday, November 25, 2002
So...
...it would appear that Rich Gannon may be back, and ready to make a serious run at the playoffs. They smoked your Arizona Cardinals, Lorene. Sorry. And I have a new hero...Mike Vanderjagt, for drilling 2 fifty plus yard field goals both to tie Denver and beat their asses in overtime, in the snow no less. And special thanks must go out to Miami for adding to San Diego's loss column. Raidas are now in the thick of the playoff hunt, for now. Oh, and now they have an identical record to the Saints, thanks to Cleveland. Unfortunately, Raidas have kind of a tough schedule all the way out.
Friday, November 22, 2002
Ya know...
There's really no better way to start your morning than by accidentally stepping in some wet, cold catshit.
I just got home...
...from the X concert! Major props to Jeff for hounding me to not bail out. I was considering it, since I ended up working today (I normally have Thursdays off). It was one of the best concerts I've seen in my life. It would fall somewhere in my top ten. Some of you may know X from their minor hits "Hungry Wolf", "Los Angeles", and "White Girl". They still get played on KJQ time to time. They are all looking old (well, John Doe doesn't look much older), but they showed that old people can still rock. And Exene's voice is still beautiful and in tact. Their guitar player is un-fucking-real! He plays insanely fast but his fingers barely move. And his leads were no less than perfect. Their albums don't come close to doing their live show justice. All of the suffering through the noise of the opening bands (who were good, but way too goddamn loud) proved to be worth it. Even having to listen to the witty "punk rock" banter between the gutterpunks proved to be worth it. Here's a sample of gutterpunk wit: "huh, huh, huh,...blah, blah, blah,...my nuts on your chin...huh, huh, huh". Also, hanging out with Jeff's buddy Troy was a good time. On the surface, he seems to be remarkably similar to Jeremy. Sorry Janet, I don't have any great sarcasm to put down tonight. I'm just too tired. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Music: "I Found That Essence Rare" by Gang Of Four
Monday, November 18, 2002
Raiders win, Saints lose. Hm. How bout that?
So the Aints have lost how many times at the hands of Michael Vick, this season? Oh, that would be twice. Atlanta is definitely ascending the laddder as one of my favorite NFL teams. I have liked them ever since I jumped on the bandwagon their Super Bowl year a few years back (I even have a too small sweatshirt of theirs in my closet somewhere), but they have truly pleased me this year by providing me smackback talk fodder for Janet. So, Lorene and I did indeed have an awesome Friday. The Virgin Megastore at the Gateway is evil. I was probably better off when we had no music selection in Utah. I tried New Delhi Monkfish at Mcgrath's and have to say that was pretty damn tasty. And Lorene and I had a spectacular day together, despite me irritating her by playing with my Satellite Radio in my car. I hope she can forgive me. It's just nice to actually hear some music that I like on the radio for a change. They even have this cool old school rap station that is fun as hell to listen to. Lorene hated that, as well. Anyways, it was excellent to have a weekend without any kind of argument; just enjoying being together. We both needed that. Saturday was fun at work. We had 2 extra guys working with the normal Saturday crew. It was a good thing, as our company has sent out a bunch of letters that say essentially "you owe us money; pay up or else..." So, we've had tons of irate phone calls all week. So, the guys all got to hang out and talk smack, and speak in a fashion that would surely not have pleased our HR department. The guy next to me and I were discussing porn, and how we both had experiences at a buddy's house. The buddy had some porn (or his dad did), and as we're sitting there watching, the buddy whips out his cock and starts whackin' off in front of us. At least his friend did it under a blanket. My friend was much more brazen. In talking to Jeff, I discovered that seems to be a rite of passage for boys. Someone always has that friend that wants to jerk off in front of you. Oy vey.
Monday, November 11, 2002
RAIDERS WIN! RAIDERS WIN!
Not only that, they put a fucking hurt on those bitches! At least 3 injuries to the hated Broncos in that game, including Shannon Sharpe! Oooohh! Life is good tonight, except for this goddamn headache. A victory over the Broncos comes so seldom that I am going to savor this moment, big time. And the skid is finally over. After the 4 losses, I've lowered my expectations for the season. However, if they win their games against the Broncos, that's all I really care about. They can lose every other game. Now, if they just had the Saints on their schedule, so I could watch Janet sob from the loss....
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
Jesust!
Went out and voted tonight, and I wanted to pick up a chair and start clubbing every stupid motherfucker who felt they had to say something witty about chads and Florida. Then came home to hear more hilarity from newscasters about them. The whole chad thing was never particularly funny anyway. I saw Leno try to make it funny about 100 fucking times, though. But what am I thinking? Very little that comes flying out of his pie-hole is funny anyhow. Back to voting, I just did the usual straight democrat thing. I don't research the candidates well enough to pick through them, and vote by name. The only reason I vote is because everybody keeps telling me that I'm not allowed to bitch about anything, otherwise. What would I do if I didn't have the right to bitch? And Toni, it's official: I am a convert to 24. Great goddamn show. I watched it for the first time last week. I made my folks watch with me tonight. I think it was too tense for my Dad. Especially when the chick was digging through her potential brother-in-law's planner and briefcase. Music: "Violent" by Concrete Blonde
Monday, November 04, 2002
Sitting round at home...
after dropping the precioussss off for the day to be perma-plated. I really miss walking around downtown. I found that out as I walked up to Alberto's for their yummy sausage, egg, cheese, and potato breakfast burrito. I miss the constant Sev-walks that I used to indulge in with all the boys to get nachos, hot dogs, assorted pastries, big gulps, and candy bars to accompany hours of playing Street Fighter, Tetris, and Toe Jam & Earl. Can't live in the past, but those are really good memories. Anyhow, the folks were kind enough to pick me up after my Mom's Dr appointment. On the way home, I asked my Dad how his union meeting went. We discussed the evil fucking company he worked for a little more. According to my Dad, the company is shortly being forced to sit with the union and a mediator. Apparently, the company wants a mediator because all a mediator is is someone who makes them sit in the same room together. The longer they can avoid arbitration the better, in their eyes. Apparently, when they actually have to deal with an arbitrator, they always lose because they are so unreasonable and try to impose illegal terms in to the contracts they propose. But this is what frightened me. This is a foreign parent company from either England or Australia. Allegedly, they have had their security kill their own employees in labor disputes overseas! I'm sorry, but if a company is so unreasonable that employees get violent enough to threaten the company enough to shoot them, there is something inherently evil (and I don't mean evil in a good way) about the people who run that company. Anyways, on to more pleasant matters. Lorene and I had a good Halloween together. She made a kickass tamale pie that I think could make Jeff a beef eater, at least for one meal (as long as there was enough hot sauce). I don't know how I lucked out to have so many awesome cooks in my life (Lorene, my Mom, her Mom, and my deceased grandmother). Also, Lorene's friends Sherri and Shawn brought their giant black Great Dane over for me to maul. I so badly want a big dog, and that just made it worse. The next day was fun, and I got to experience the Happy sumo, which was really good. I think we need to try the Samba Grill, up to the Gateway. It looks like a Rodizio kind of place. Mmmmm... Work is good, more or less. I'm working another fucked up schedule this week. I work Sunday Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, thanks to more training. I forgot my badge on Sunday, and it took me a fucking eternity to get in the building thanks to the motard at the security desk. I decided for fun that I should have pulled the old "Do you know who I am?" routine on him. Just to be a jackoff. Probably would've got me in trouble, though. Oh, I do have to give our security some credit. They did catch one of the scumbag car thieves. That made me fucking ecstatic. Circle Jerks concert this Friday. Woo-hoo! I've also found out that X is coming 11/21. That should rule. Another band to cross off my must see list. Also, I have no idea what's the matter with the Raiders. And no, it's not that they suck. There seems to be a serious problem with the offense, however. I don't know what the deal is, but it seems like most teams now have them figured out and have shut them down. I would be interested in seeing them adopt a hurry up offense frequently and see if that can throw off the defenders. Not that I really know anything about football... Music: "Crawling" by Corrosion Of Conformity
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