   |
|||
|
COMPLAINTS, MUSINGS, AND OF COURSE WISDOM FROM DOUCHEBALL HIMSELF! NO'MSAYIN'? ~George Carlin
Archives
April 2001 May 2001 June 2001 July 2001 August 2001 September 2001 October 2001 November 2001 December 2001 January 2002 February 2002 March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 December 2003 January 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 January 2005 February 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 December 2005 
|
Sunday, June 30, 2002
So, here's a little update...
I've been working assloads of overtime, this week. Wednesday through Friday, 6:30am-10:00pm. Come Thursday of next week, that OT stuff will all be over. Anyways, Monday was spent working my normal hours and going home to prepare for an interview. I filled out an application (I hate filling out the entire app for a job that I may or may not get; it's a pain in the ass), got blood out of my new "job-hunting shirt" (I've expanded too tremendously to fit in to my old dress clothes; thank goat I'm not flying Southwest airlines anytime soon), and trying to keep my nerves in check. Tuesday was the interview. I went there with 2 co-workers (including my boss, who was dressed all snazzy with a sweater tied smartly around her neck; I haven't seen anyone use that style in years, except when Jeff and I are...well, never mind) and we sat through an orientation, then broke off in to one-on-one interviews. I couldn't get a feel for how it went at all. When the speakers were asked how many people they were hiring, they told us that there was no specific number they had to fill; they could just choose the very best among us, and no more. Well, I read that to mean "you mean you have only 2 years in the business, and don't even place bonds, mutual funds, and options trades...we don't really need you so much". However, the guy that I interviewed with was very nice, but he did say that since 2/3 of his staff was from my firm, he pretty much "knows where I'm at". I don't know what the fuck that means, but...whatever. I was in and out of there in an hour. Here's how I look at it: if I get it, I have a job for a while; if not, I can collect my severance package...assuming I don't get fired between now and August 2nd. Finally, after the grind of Wed-Fri, Saturday rolled around. Finally, a fun day. Lorene and I ran up to Park City and window shopped at their outlet malls. I wish y'all could have seen this yuppie with these blinding blue sneakers...easily the most hideous shoes Lorene and I had ever seen. We went to Sweet Tomatoe's for dinner, which was wonderful. They have this cold rice pudding with plump juicy raisins and pineapple in it, that is absolutely divine. I could sit down for a meal of just that, easily. I was ecstatic that they had it because they hardly ever serve it when we're there (we eat there usually once a week). Then I took Lorene home and watched her force her sick cat to down several syringes full of water. He is so sad. He buried his head in her arms and growled pathetically when she was done. We went to my house, so's I could take a cold shower, and after that, we headed downtown to the Social Distortion show. We parked in Crossroad's Mall parking, and walked over to Club X-Scape (formerly Club DV8). As we walked by the Marriott, we noticed an alarming amount of midgets. I was absolutely mesmerized by this anomaly. Lorene then remembered that Toni had told her that there is a midget convention in town this week. Lorene was excited about it, because Lorene has a soft spot in her heart for midgets. Anyhow, as we approached the club, we spotted the line...clear the fuck around the goddamn block and then some. I could not believe what I was seeing. I have never seen a line that long for that place. It looked like about 1,000 people or so. Unreal. We get in line and are inside the club in about 45 minutes. We go upstairs, and Lorene finds that there is not enough oxygen up there, and it is so fucking hot that we are drenched after 5 minutes of standing up there. We go downstairs, and Lorene finds us a little corner near the no-alcohol bar. Guess where we ended up sitting down, eventually. On Jesus Christ's, er, I mean Mike Ness' (singer for Social D) equipment crate! Seriously, it was labelled Mike Ness! Anyhow, the club is really hot and they aren't able to get a cooler going, so after security carries out some poor gal who's passed out, they decide they better start giving out free water to avoid any further problems. Lorene and I are right by the bar and have unlimited access to all the ice water we can drink as they have cups of it lined up on the bar. That was really cool. Kudos to 'Rene for finding the best spot in the club. Well, the show was supposed to start at 6:30, and started at about 8:30. Opening band, Lost City Angels was alright, but I was a little grumpy and just didn't care. They sounded like a certain band, but I couldn't place just who that is. Finally, at about 9:45, Social D goes on stage. It was so motherfucking awesome! I now believe in God, and he is Mike Ness! They started out with "Mommy's Little Monster", their big song from when they first started out as a punk band. They played all kinds of old stuff that I've never heard them play. I was astounded at their song selection! They played a lot of my favorites, and wrapped it up with...of course..."Ball and Chain", and "Ring of Fire" as a kickass closer! Mike really came off the best I've ever seen him (and I've seen them at least 4 times before this). He was so genuine, and had fantastic, if simple commentary between songs. He called this 11 year old kid with a mohawk on to the stage and gave him a hat and chatted with him. He put in his 2 cents about what a pussy Hitler was, and said that if you like Hitler, then please...follow your leader! A fine message for nazi youth, I think! He also mentioned the passing of his long time friend and band member Dennis Dannell, who died of, I think, an aneurysm, in his driveway a while back. Of course, he reminded us to tell our friends we love them more often, as they might not be here tomorrow. Everyone seems to come to that realization when someone close to them dies. He then performed a great new song, dedicated to Dennis. There were at least 3 new songs, all of which were great. I'm psyched about the new album which Mike promised us would be out next year. It was really a fantastic show, and totally made up for the disappointment that I went through with the Motorhead show getting cancelled. The only thing that displeased me was that they didn't play any tracks from their most recent studio album and only one song from "Prison Bound", which are both kickass albums. But that didn't take away from the show at all. I think the reason the show was so full, is because they were only doing a short tour with a few dates, and people were travelling here from other states to see them. One humorous note; Social D has always embodied a rockabilly/50's sense of fashion. Well, when they come to town, all of a sudden there are all these people that I never see the other 364 days of the year, decked out in their rockabilly stylings. There was about 50 Sha-na-na member lookalikes walking around with studded belts and chain wallets on, and chicks with their hair pulled back in ponytails with ribbons in their hair, and cuffed up jeans. I saw many Joanies, didn't see any Cha-chi's there, though. And I'm pretty sure I saw Pinky Tuscadero, as well. No disrespect to them, as I like the fashion. It just strikes a funny chord with me. Beats the hell out of the whole shaved head tough guy with a goatee and huge pants Iook (I am so tired of that look; when I see someone like that, I feel like I can safely say "that guy probably really moshes it up at Limp Bizkit and Korn concerts, and probably likes some gangsta rap, as well"). Anyway, the show made me love the band that much more. Nobody plays with more heart than Social D. Lyrically, Mike expresses his pain and the challenges in his life better than anyone I can think of. And he states it in a way that doesn't come off disingenuous or wussified. For example, here are the lyrics to my favorite Social D song of all time (which, sadly, they didn't play): I WAS WRONG When I was young I was so full of fear I hid behind anger and held back the tears It was me against the world, I was sure that I'd win But the world fought back, punished me for my sins I felt so alone, so insecure I blamed you instead and made sure I was heard And they tried to warn me of my evil ways But I couldn't hear what they had to say Chorus: I was wrong, self-destructions got me again I was wrong, I realize now that I was wrong And I think about my loves, well I've had a few I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too? I took what I wanted, put my heart on the shelf How can you love when you don't love yourself? It was me against the world, I was sure that I'd win But the world fought back, punised me for my sins I felt so alone, so insecure I blamed you instead and made sure I was heard And they tried to warn me of my evil ways But I couldn't hear what they had to say Chorus Bridge: Well I grew up fast, I grew up hard Something was wrong from the very start I was fighting everybody, I was fighting everything But the only one that I hurt was me I got society's blood running down my face Somebody help me get outta this place How could someone's bad luck last so long? Until I realized that was wrong I think I'm done talking for now. Music: "The Light On the Hill" by Maire Brennan.
Friday, June 28, 2002
This totally reminds me of when I was trying to get my Mom to establish an e-mail account and use the internet. It was absolutely exasperating.
Thursday, June 27, 2002
My most current Onion horoscope:
"Though it feels as if you'll live your whole life without anyone ever appreciating you, don't give up yet. There's still more than a week left."
Saturday, June 22, 2002
Friday, June 21, 2002
Yes. I know...
It has been a little while. Having been on vacation for 3 nights, then coming back and jumping in to four shifts from 6:30am-10:00pm isn't very conducive to blogging. Having been at work so much, I don't even have anything interesting to say. I am going down to 1/2 time on July 8th. I'll be working a full day on Mondays, off Tuesdays, and 8-12 Wed-Fri. Should be interesting. I have submitted my resume to another firm, and am now needing to complete their little questionairre that they e-mailed to me. I'm not fully convinced I even really want to be in this industry, but the pay is good. Competition is also really goddamn stiff out there. I hate competing with people who have degrees. How can I win? Guess I just need to keep plugging away and applying for everything I see that's worth 1/2 a shit. The vacation was great! Mesquite and Vegas were hot motherfuckers, but I dealt with it. We had the room and a relatively cool car to retreat to. I got pissed at some hotel employees at the Eureka, as I stood at the front desk behind these 3 hicks and was completely ignored for a solid 15 minutes. And all I wanted was to know if they had some fucking plasticware! And of course that negative vibe carried with Lorene and I the rest of the evening, so we wasted our 2nd night there being less than friendly to each other. I was gonna write a nasty letter to the Eureka about the incident, but I just don't feel up to it. Anyhow, I kept forgetting to take my camera almost everywhere I went. I eventually remembered it when we went to Mandalay Bay , and got a couple of pictures there that I'll probably post, when I get around to it. Oh, and we finally got to pet the baby sharks in the baby stingray pool there. If you've never been to the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay, I highly recommend it. I also recommend their buffet, if you're interested in being gorged for 16 hours. It's so damn good. I also really liked staying at the Eureka in Mesquite. It was very peaceful, and the room was wonderful. Clean. Best shower I've had in a hotel. Decent price. Very little cigarette smoke. And finally, way less crowded than everywhere else down there. I wish Lorene and I were still down there relaxing. Music: "Rev It Up And Go" by the Stray Cats.
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
Pictures!!!
Here is a pic of Lorene feeding the geese: 
Here is one of her clearly not wanting her picture taken: 
Here is a picture of the goddamn goose that bit me. We have affectionately named the family Fucker, Mrs. Fucker, and Fucker, Jr: 
Here's a picture of Fucker before he hit the water: 
There may be a Xmas goose instead of a turkey for dinner, this year.
Monday, June 10, 2002
I guess I'll just get rid of it...
My Top Tens page, that is. Nobody reads it, which makes it not so fun to keep updated. So, it will come down shortly. By the way, thanks all for voting in the poll! It got 20 votes, which I thought was cool even if I figure that many of them were from some of the same people voting from different computers. Here are the results. I was pleased to see that woman on top got the most votes (5 out of 20!). That was my choice, and I only voted once. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that Scott was the person who selected "none of your goddamn business". Boooooo! Music: "Seven Years In Tibet" by David Bowie.
Days 4 & 5 of Denver
Sunday was a day that Scott needed to do some homework. Jeff and I did everything humanly possible to stay out of his hair. I finally managed to spend my Waxtrax gift certificate, and we went to Cheapo Discs, then to Mustard's Last Stand for lunch. Oh, and this huge fucking Mile High Comics. I have never been in such a huge fucking geek-o-rama. It made me wish I was in to that stuff. I would quest there at least once per year, and drop 300 bucks or so. I have never seen so many action figures, comics, gaming materials, and just about anything else geek related in one place in all of my life! And of course, there was this table full of lurps playing some role playing game or other, and were clearly taking it way too seriously. But hey, good for them for having a hobby. The guy who was playing the equivalent of the dungeon master had a schpiel down that was unbelievable. He was a commentator, tour guide, and standup comedian all rolled in to one! Afterwards, we went to dinner and I made the mistake of eating Mediterranean food at Pita Junction, as I had been ogling Scott and "the girl" 's food from there a couple of nights ago. Okay, the pita bread was damn good, as was the lentil soup. I even liked the grape leaves and the spanikopita (although it paled in comparison to Connie's). However there were some sauces that literally made my stomach turn over and over for the rest of the night. Hummus and a few other crappy sauces meant for you to dip your bread in. Ugh! And I wasn't aware that they served them cold, either! That made them even worse! I would say that I don't ever want to experiment with food again after that, but it wouldn't be true. The boys have exposed me to some good stuff, throughout the years (everyone should try the crispy tofu bao at the Evergreen House), so I will keep experimenting. The Elvis Costello show was to be next. Scott, Jeff, and I were all finally getting excited for the show, listening to E.C. on the way to the Bluebird Theatre. We met Jeff's friend, Jessica there. She seemed like a hell of a lot of fun, and I wish she lived here to keep Jeff...entertained. Wow, a big concert venue you can get a mixed drink at! What a novelty! Scott and I kept ourselves entertained crowd watching. And believe me, there were many a freak out that night. We saw some fine dancing, and a spiffy Miami Vice looking motherfucker that Scott and I were fighting over. Elvis, well, honestly was underwhelming. Not bad, just not great. Although there were moments that were wonderful ("Alison" and "I Want You" were unbelievably good in my estimation), the sound and generally average song selection disappointed all of us. And, there was a fucking fight from some hardass who wanted to beat up anyone who was smoking pot in the vicinity of his pregnant girlfriend/wife/whatever. Scott dealt with the potsmoker next to us in a much better way; simply by instructing him to get the fuck away. Although frankly I'd rather smell pot than regular cigarette smoke, it's still unbearable for an asthmatic. That evening, I performed my final feat of agitating Scott, by using his sink for leverage whilst using his wacky toilet that leaves your feat about 6 inches off the floor. When I pushed down on it with my hand, IT FELL OUT FROM THE FUCKING WALL, and began to leak. Picture this, I'm trying to hold the fucking thing up with one hand, whilst hopping around trying to pull my pants up from around my ankles with the other! I was freakin' out, and I could hear Scott yelling "What the fuck did you do"? Of course, I didn't respond to him. I eventually got the sink back on it's brackets, finished my business, and came out and told Scott what had happened. He cursed and dashed in to the bathroom to tighten up some pipes to get them not to leak. Jeff acted appalled at what I'd done, then surprise, surprise; it's revealed to me that both Scott and Jeff have done that. I still felt like shit. It was time for bed. Day 5 was a fun drive back watching Jeff get angry at every person he encountered. Especially the construction worker in the one stall at a gas station when Jeff really had to shit. He asked the guy if he was gonna be a while, and the guy confirmed that he would be (with a rustle of his newspaper). Jeff told him to enjoy his wank, and we went to another gas station. At this one, Jeff had to race a father and child to the stall. The guy asked him if he had to use the stall, and Jeff informed him that yes, he did, "unless you want me to shit on you and your kid". We screamed along to the stereo all the way home, especially to the rap minidisc I'd made. And overall, the trip was a damn fine time. The end.
Sunday, June 09, 2002
Oh,
I remembered the 3rd thing I did to annoy Scott on night 3. I took a shower and he was annoyed that I used his bathroom rug for drying off on. He has a spayshul mat (which just looks like a small towel) hanging on his doorknob that I was supposed to know to lay down on top of the bathroom rug. I hain't never heard of nonesucha thang! Funny that this annoyed him, but me pissing in his hair while he was asleep seemed to be no problem.
Thursday, June 06, 2002
Day 3 of Denver trip
We were supposed to go to Six Flags, but the heat was taking a toll on all of us. This day was muggy, so it might have been extra miserable. So, we went to Boulder. Boulder is absolutely gorgeous. The only thing I didn't like about it was the tons of stupid hippies and street performers. It feels like Park City crossed with the U of U college campus. We ate at Dot's Diner and walked to Waxtrax Records. Then we dropped "the girl" off at a coffee shop to do her homework. We killed time driving and walking around, and left after it got insanely windy, to the point that Jeff and I both had debris flying in our eyes. When we got back to Denver, we went for dinner to Alexander's, where I had an amazing buffalo burrito (which gave me hideous Rob-like gas). However, there was an incident prior to dinner. I sat down on one of their outdoor plastic chairs, and...you got it, it gave way out from under me. It collapsed and shattered in to many smaller pieces. I wasn't hurt, but let me tell you how bad for your ego it is to break a chair because your so fucking heavy. After dinner, Jeff and I walked over to a sex-toy-and-porno-video megastore called Fascinations (Scott and "the girl" ewwed about it, and refused step foot in "that place"; can you sense my eyes rolling?). It was about as big as a TJ Max with 2 levels! Jeff and I were charmed by a number of gag items, including a huge mug in the shape of a black cock, little cock birthday candles, a wind-up cooter, and best of all.....TOOTHDIX!!! (of course to pick your teeth clean with after a big meal) We went to the car, and the 4 of us went driving to a Safeway to get munchies. Scott and "the girl" got in to a fight, when she stepped out of a long line to look at the tabloids, thinking that Scott was saving her place. Well, Scott wasn't. And he came up to us in a minute or two and told her "the line's back there, now". It was a good 8 people deep, at this point. The Asians who took her place were laughing about it as we left the store, and Jeff couldn't resist telling them to fuck off. This was to be the last I would see of "the girl", as she was pretty mad. Oh, and when she's pissed and fighting with Scott, she smiles through the whole thing. That was kinda wierd. I think that fight was even more ridiculous than some of my fights with Lorene. We took her home and went back to Scott's, for some video gameage. This is when I began to get on Scott's nerves. First, I was looking for a light switch for my side of the room. I flipped a switch by the sink and heard a "pop". I flipped it back off, and when Scott found out, he came flying out of his room, thinking that I'd probably ruined his microwave. Apparently, this switch can't be touched. I don't know what the fuck it's purpose is, but it can't be touched or it will fuck with his circuitry. Fortunately, we tested the microwave and it wasn't broken. The outlet just didn't work for about 12 hours. Then, I stood on his futon, which caused him to scold me again. And I did something else that night, I just can't remember what it was. And that isn't all. I did something on the 4th night that really got his goat. I'll get to that later. I'm a bad, bad guest. I was in fear that I would experience Scott telling me to "get the fuck out" for the 2nd time in my life. This night, however, Scott showed me that he snores sometimes, too. And he makes this wierd fucking sound like he's clearing his throat or his sinuses. It's real high pitched, scratchy, and bizarre sounding. And of course, there was the circle jerk....
Tuesday, June 04, 2002
Let's see...day 2 of the Colorado trip
Started with us going to the disc golf park to play disc golf (my very first time). Well, I succeeded in scoring 46 over par, and losing one of Jeff's discs in a pond. Lorene would've loved the fact that there were squirrels everywhere in this park. It was blistering hot, and a hell of a long walk up and down hills. I wouldn't call it a good experience. I can see how the game is fun, and a good way to get exercise, but these were not the conditions to get introduced to the game. Fortunately, I covered myself with Sunscreen. I can't figure out how to throw those fucking discs straight or far, either. We went back to the apartment, got showered, and went to the Watercourse for brefass. I can honestly say the food didn't knock me out, although I think I did a bad job of ordering, cuz Scott's burrito was pretty good. And they serve only Blue Sky soda, which had no caffeine...and I really needed some fucking caffeine. (and if you're wondering, I despise coffee; what a vile beverage; so that wouldn't have worked) We went to Waxtrax Records afterwards (and Scottie bought a Pepsi out of pity for me). I had a gift certificate to that store that Scott gave me about a year ago. Well, I go to the counter, buy my CD's, and forget to use the goddamn gift certificate. I realized this when we got back to Scott's apartment. We hit one or two comics shops for the boys, and retreated to the apt. This day was rough on me, because Jeff has this thing about him that he will not turn on his air conditioning unless you're on the freeway. His primary reason being that he can't gun it at a stoplight with the a/c running. I don't function well in the heat, so I was a little tired and cranky throughout most of the day. Not to mention the fact that most of the places we went did not have a/c. Argh! We met up with "the girl" later, and we couldn't agree on dinner. So, we went to a couple different places, and ate outside at Mustard's Last Stand, which is a great little vegetarian and meat-eating establishment, with a variety of decent fast food for all. Scott and "the girl" got food from a Mediterranean place called Pita Junction. Their food looked wonderful, and I was kinda jealous. More on that later. After wasting time outside that evening with talk of our favourite and least favourite lameass bands from the past (everyone from Styx to Def Leppard was discussed, with Jeff and I continuously breaking in to song), we decided to meet at Dave and Buster's. Jeff and I waited for at least a half hour for Scott and "the girl" to show up. And then "the girl" couldn't even get in, due to losing her ID. Dave and Buster's is a cool place where you can play video games, have dinner, play pool, play with virtual reality games, and there are at least 2 bars. It is an adult child's paradise. Has kind of a yuppie feel, but it was fun, nonetheless. I learned to play Scott's spiffy video game, Golden Tee. I sucked at that. Then, we had a disgusting Asian hooker ogling us, and watching us play. We were all irritated by that, but it made for something fun to talk foul about later. That was day 2. Hope I didn't bore too much.
Oh, forgot to mention...
That I couldn't make it through the first night without farting in front of "the girl"......twice. Just get me giggling good, with my ass angled just right....nice fucking first impression. Music: "Built To Spill" by Built To Spill
Monday, June 03, 2002
I have made my return...
And somehow, I couldn't do it without getting in an argument with my baby, as soon as I got home. I won't go in to how it happened, but suffice it to say that I wish I could go back and relive the conversation. I missed her badly while gone, and I wish I could've returned and had the lovey-dovey conversation that I anticipated. I can't wait to spend some time with her this weekend (if she still wants to). So, the trip was fun. But I can't believe that the sun must follow me like a cloud of locusts. I leave, and it gets nice and rainy in SLC. Of course, it's fucking hot in Denver! I get home, and the rain and clouds have moved out of SLC, and are probably on their way to Denver! I can't win! Anyhow, I trashed Scott's apartment and came home. End of story...........just kidding.............sort of. Thank you again for putting me up, Scott. And thanks Jeff for driving my ass out to Denver and all around the city for four nights. Day one was good, with Jeff and I making good time and arriving at Scott's charming basement at about 3:30pm on Thursday. We hit a CD shop, and went shopping for some necessities, including an anti-snoring solution. I met "the girl", shortly thereafter. She is very congenial and an engaging conversationalist. Jeff, Scott, Tabatha ("the girl"), and I went to dinner at Alexander's and were waited on by a version of Ursula, from "Mad About You". The food was outstanding (at least in my estimation), and we came back to the apartment to watch some videos, and play some Sony Playstation. Then, we hit the hay. Jeff snored pretty loudly, which surprised and amused me. I snored, but not my usual 60 decibels, or so I'm told. By the way, the foul language and political incorrectness (with which Scott, Jeff, and I observed and remarked upon the residents of Denver), had officially begun in force that day. It was like old times. We were total cunts when "the girl" wasn't around or paying attention. Our mothers would be so proud. I will outline more of the trip, tomorrow. I'm going to bed right now.
Good to know how complementary I am with Scott.
|
||
