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COMPLAINTS, MUSINGS, AND OF COURSE WISDOM FROM DOUCHEBALL HIMSELF! NO'MSAYIN'? ~George Carlin
Archives
April 2001 May 2001 June 2001 July 2001 August 2001 September 2001 October 2001 November 2001 December 2001 January 2002 February 2002 March 2002 April 2002 May 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 September 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 December 2003 January 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 January 2005 February 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 December 2005 
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Friday, December 28, 2001
Okay. Here's an entertaining blog for ya: The Slut Blog. I found this one when I was trying to find out how my blog was pulled up from "pictures of pussies never been fucked before" on google.
Check this out! Someone stumbled on to my blog by typing the following in the search field at google.com: "pictures of pussies never been fucked before"! That's enough to bring a tear to my eye.
Stuff I got for Xmas:
-Gorgeous leather coat -2 new jackets - new vest/jacket -Huge new robe -DVD/VCR unit -VHS box set of the entire first season of "The Sopranos" (which is way cool, as I've never seen the majority of the episodes) -Croquet set -Back massager -Judge Dredd book -Picture of Brit and Alex -Some neat artistic thing that Michelle made that Lorene took home -2 books of articles from "The Onion" -George Carlin's book "Braindroppings" -A candle, some smelly stuff, and a CD that's supposed to help alleviate my migraines -Toilettries including soap, face wash, shave gel, and cologne (hint, hint) -Gift certificates for Circuit City, Dahle's, Red Lobster, The Gap, Gift Certificates.com, and Hollywood Video -Hockey tickets -Cashews -Cherry cordials -Toni's peanut butter bars -A $5.00 bill -2 CD's by "The Gathering" -$50.00 check from my Great Aunt I'm sure I've forgotten some things, but I felt very spoiled again, this year.
Xmas was a good time, overall. Other than seeing my cretin grandmother (who shall be referred to as "the critter", from this point on), I was able to enjoy even Xmas day. Normally, I don't really care for Xmas day, but this year was a little different. Maybe it was getting my mother drunk, so that she could tolerate the critter. And it was really cool not to have to sit at the dinner table (we had to many people over for us all to fit). Lorene and I were able to sit on chairs away from the table, which was awesome, as it meant that I really didn't have to communicate with my family that much, I didn't keep hitting my legs on the fucking table, and I didn't have to sit elbow to elbow with anyone. And as a bonus, Lorene and I were able to crack wise about the critter, all throughout dinner. I did my patented critter voice, and Lorene said things so vile that even I will not repeat them. It was pretty damn fun.
Saturday, December 22, 2001
I knew I'd be doing this, but I've updated the Top Tens page to reflect "Fellowship Of The Ring" as my favorite movie of all time. What an unbelievable movie-going experience! What a director! What perfect casting! Un-fucking-real! Any gripes I had were so trivial that it doesn't matter. I would've liked to see a scene where Tom Bombadill rescues the hobbits from the evil tree in the woods, but it doesn't matter. Everything was so perfect! I'm now preparing myself for the Two Towers. I can't imagine that the Ents would be left out of that, and that should be so fucking cool. And there should be ample Gollum, as well! By the way, how awesome were the Uruk-hai? It's exactly like Jeff said: "It's like seeing Star Wars for the first time, as a kid".
I thought my night was going to be ruined by a stomach ache, but Lorene's Tagamet and Toni's Zantac worked their magic on me, eventually. By the way, it was a hell of a lot of fun to see everyone in one place, last night!
Wednesday, December 19, 2001
I thought that I had figured out a new comments system, when I was browsing other weblogs today. Quicktopic.com has a system, but it looks like you have to create a subject every time you post, and link to it. Definitely too much of a hassle.
Tuesday, December 18, 2001
Okay. I have no idea what the hell happened to my last entry. Blogger won't even let me delete it. But as I was saying: I've stolen one of Connie's ideas. I've created a guestbook. I think it should be used as a comments system, since reblogger and snorcomments are no longer functioning. Just make an entry whenever you have something to say to me. Tell me what entry it is your talking about, if it's not obvious.
Saturday, December 15, 2001
And as for this little shit:
Why is it that this cat wants nothing to do with me almost all of the time........EXCEPT WHEN I'M ON THE FUCKING SHITTER!?!? I have no desire to pet my cat in the midst of pinching a loaf! Doesn't she understand that this is Dylan's reading time? Apparently not, since she cries at the bathroom door until I let her in! Then she rubs up against my legs, which she doesn't do any other time. And she stares up at me. And if that doesn't work, she flops down on the floor on her back, guilting me in to rubbing her belly. Of course, as soon as I'm out of the bathroom, I'm the fucking plague, and she runs from me if I come near her. Even if I'm just walking by, she's convinced I'm after her, and she hides under some piece of furniture or other. And if I have her cornered or find her sleeping somewhere, and pet her, she cringes from me as if I'm going to club her over the head. I'm convinced that this is kind of a dumb cat. Cute, but dumb.
I was really fucking pissed...
...and was ready to quit blogging altogether. I tried to publish to my geocities account, and blogger wasn't recognizing the ftp for geocities. Fortunately, I don't always give up that easily, and I muddled through bloggers help system, and am publishing directly to one of geocities IP addresses. They really do have pretty good support at blogger, but if I was any more computer illiterate than I am, I'd be going out of my mind.
Ouch! Shit! Fuck! Damnit! Doh!
...is what I said as I fell down the cement stairs on our front porch, whilst shoveling the foot of snow we got last night. Thankfully, the snow padded my fall, kinda. And thankfully, none of my neighbors bore witness to this. And it's really fucking disheartening when you're shoveling off a foot of snow, just to have it replaced by four more inches, just to have that replaced by 2 more inches. On a positive note, the snow shoveling gave me reason to chat with a neighbor that I haven't chatted with for about 10 years. I had forgotten what a nice guy he is. Now my back and legs are sore as if I'd been fucking a moose! ...not that I would know what that feels like.
Friday, December 14, 2001
What the hell is wrong with me?
I haven't really made any blog entries that were funny and original at the same time for many months. I think it's because all I really have to talk about is work and Lorene. I've already mentioned that revealing much about my interactions with Lorene is not going to happen. I have no desire to write something about her and have anyone maybe misinterpret it. Our relationship is far too precious to me to toy with it so. And as far as work goes, I don't feel real comfortable bitching too much about it for fear that someone at work will come across this and something I say about the place ends up violating some policy. Believe me, I could fill a lot of entries with my gripes and sarcasm about that place. But they pay me, and I can't endanger that arrangement. At any rate, I need to start becoming more active, so that I have funny stories to relay to you. Maybe I can find something to write about at the gym, or maybe I can provoke my parents in to a good fight. That always makes for a funny story. I will probably be seeing crazy grandma soon. Maybe she will provide me with some blog fodder. My cousin from the navy will be in town soon. I wish he still spoke in rap lingo, so I could mock him. I think that anything I said about Scott or Jeff would be redundant. My aunt recently went in for surgery....that's not funny. Shit, my great-grandmother called me recently and didn't even give me her usual guilt trips. What the hell can I blog about? god I suck! god. Do you think that this is an indication that I should read more? So that I can maybe express valid opinions about current events? ... ... ... Nah. I will continue to spew out my ill-informed opinions on nearly any issue. I just need to watch CNN more.
Thursday, December 13, 2001
I think I give up on the comments systems, for now. Maybe someday, I'll learn how to host one myself, but right now I'm just not that ambitious.
Wednesday, December 12, 2001
Words of wisdom from Chef to Stan on Southpark about why god takes those we love away from us:
Chef: Stan, sometimes god takes those closest to us because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful god, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it. So he doesn't care who he takes- children, puppies; it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand? Stan: So, why does god give us anything to start with? Chef: Look at it this way. If you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop, then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then it would have nothing to cry about. That's like god, who gives us life and love and health, just so he can tear it all away, and make us cry. So he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give god his great power. Stan: I think I understand.
Monday, December 10, 2001
Well, my return to working Mondays was just shit-awful. Aggravating call after aggravating call, once 12:30 rolled around. There was so much blood in my face all day, that my face feels sunburnt.
Song of the day: Dayglo Abortions-"Argh! Fuck! Kill!"
Sunday, December 09, 2001
Now here's some serious horseshit! The second most ridiculous test I've taken (I took the ghetto test, and came out 61-80% ghetto)
Friday, December 07, 2001
By the way, I think Toni and Grace should get the Snor Comments or Blogback. Reblogger seems to be nothing but problems.
So, I start a new shift on Monday: 6:30am-3:00pm, Monday-Friday. I am only looking forward to it because I get my Saturdays with Rene back. I hate that I'm back to 5 days a week, though. Our crew is celebrating our last Saturday together with baked dough and cheese. I'm sure gonna miss my web-surfing free day. We have been busy as hell lately. And anyone who gives you that "Well, if you're busy, the day will go by fast" bullshit...well, that clever saying doesn't apply to me at all. I've spent every day at work recently, staring at the clock on and between calls, watching the clock move ever so slowly. I've got my talk time down in to the "acceptable" range, too. I should be off of my verbal warning by the 18th of this month, as long as I keep that up.
Song of the day: "New Moon On Monday" by Duran Duran. 1, 2, 3...begin ridiculing, Jeff and Scott.
Wednesday, December 05, 2001
Tuesday, December 04, 2001
Kudos to the Circle Jerks and their webmaster for allowing me to use images from the website. That is punk fucking rock!
AT&T@home service is down for me, right now. I don't anticipate it being up until Friday, at the soonest. In the meantime goatlipss@slayerized.com or goatlipss31@yahoo.com are valid e-mail addresses to send me stuff at.
Saturday, December 01, 2001
Song of the Day: Gang Of Four- "Damaged Goods", cuz it had me dancin' in the bathroom, this morning. Anything that can get me peppy at 5:00am must be good.
So, I just finished filling out my third shift bid. Hope they finally have it right. All of the selections that I might get with my seniority are pretty suckass, so I'll just deal with it, I guess. And have I told you how freaky it is to be working right across from someone, just to turn around around after taking calls, and see that their desk is cleaned out, they are logged out of their computer and gone? It's a good time. I don't really know why they (the mighty corporation) let him go, but I have a vague idea.
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